7 weeks pp - in the trenches
If you’re feeling overwhelmed like me, you can stop right here and read this Forbes article for some encouragement: https://www.forbes.com/sites/margiewarrell/2013/06/25/dear-working-mother-stop-feeling-so-guilty/
Otherwise, read-on to hear about my present 7 weeks postpartum woes…
This post is more of a blog, or even a journal, than the gouge-content I’m going for in the rest of this website. But, it’s therapeutic and maybe will even validate some of the challenging emotions, thoughts, and feelings you’ve experienced in your own postpartum journey. Sometimes building community involves sharing the tough stuff to help ourselves and others go through the sense-making process. Motherhood is HARD. And like so many of us military moms, I’m primarily type-A, which means I feel like need to be in control of all aspects of my life at all times— and having a new baby challenges that notion in so many ways. This is the second full week I haven’t had some kind of family help in town, so I’m feeling the adjustments.
It’s week 7 and I am aware I’ve been juggling a lot. I had a coaching session with my professional coach and she used the phrase “you’re just now coming up for air,” which is very true. If you’re like me, to-do lists or lists of all the things I’m juggling helps me organize my thoughts. Here’s a chunk of what’s been on my mind, in no particular order:
-Foster friendships
-Foster family relationships
-Do the dishes, laundry, cook, & clean up
-Spend more time with my kids (dedicated 1-on-1 time with my toddler & don’t just feed my newborn and then plop her in a bouncy seat for the rest of the day… I need to bond with my baby, right? But damn, who has the freaking time?!). But then back to the toddler because she is having unique challenges while adjusting too (for example, she’s been sneaking into our room or closet and sleeping on the floor sometimes in the middle of the night and it breaks my heart wondering why or how to help her)
-Spend time with my dog (poor guy gets a walk MAYBE once per week unless my parents are here). Also, pretty sure he’s developing cataracts so I need to get him to the vet. And he’s smelly — he needs a bath.
-Figure out how to treat the eczema on my toddler’s hands and why she seems to have already developed a nervous tick by picking her lip (especially when I correct her for some behavior… which makes me wonder — will she need therapy sooner rather than later, primarily because of me?!)
-Figure out why my newborn spits up after almost every feed (already taken to a pediatrician, giving her probiotics, a reflux med, and I’ve cut dairy out of my diet)
-Journal
-Establish a workout routine (cleared by the doc at 6 weeks pp)
-Pump
-Take more naps
-Maximize my time while pumping or feeding by listening to audiobooks, planning future family vacations/weddings/travel, meal planning, catching up with friends/family (see above fostering relationships comments)
-Do yoga and meditate
-Stay up to date on the news
-Collect clothes/items for donation to try to stay somewhat decluttered
-Organize paperwork for the kids, dog, and house
-Pump again
-Read or listen to parenting books to figure all these things out
-Oh yeah, and sleep when the baby sleeps, right? Sure…
Then there’s some raw shit I’m dealing with (warning, some content may be more personal than you’re prepared for):
-A hemorrhoid that won’t quit
-Baby and I have been sharing thrush back-and-forth, so now we are both on medication
-I have PCOS, had postpartum hypertension that landed me back in the hospital 1-week postpartum (both pregnancies), and migraines, so navigating health issues seems like a constant battle
-Just finished a round of antibiotics for BV (just read a news article that the gut microbiome in women with PCOS is linked to fertility issues — and other pregnancy-related complications)
-All these hormone fluctuations probably have a lot to do with how I’m feeling
-I don’t feel depressed, but I’m sure there’s some anxiety here — I do feel like writing it out, talking with my coach, talking with my husband, and physical exercise help a lot though! The PP depression screeners seem to rule out depression, but I do realize how common it can be and have asked my husband to keep an eye on me for signs of it.
Well, you get the point. It’s a LOT. And we ALL deal with it. It’s INCREDIBLE how so many of us trudge along this motherhood journey and I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone in the overwhelm of the ups-and-downs, self-doubt, the triumphant & beautiful moments, the out-of-nowhere crying happy OR sad tears (or unknown emotion tears — just sobbing for what may feel like no reason), the cuddles, the poop, the spit up, the near-drop scares, the older sibling trying to poke new baby in the eye balls whenever you look away, and the pride in not wishing for it to be any other way. It’s messy, it’s chaotic, it’s beautiful, and it’s life. We got this.
